Way More People Are Hooking Up At Your Office Holiday Party Than You Ever Expected

A quarter of us don't leave the office Christmas party alone. Blame the egg nog.

 

BY KATE HAKALA

Come January 2nd, you better Windex the photocopier, Febreze the handicap bathroom stall, and Fantastik the hell out of the conference room, because after the office holiday party season, that stuff is going to be covered in errant bodily fluids. That's right: everybody is screwing their coworkers after one too many spiked egg nogs. 
According to a national survey conducted by Trojan Condoms with Harris Interactive, a whopping 24 percent of Americans have hooked up with someone because of an office holiday party. Look around you. That means, statistically, one person out of the four surrounding cubicles is totally going to bone a coworker immediately following an accountant's boisterous rendition of, "All I Want For Christmas Is You." New Year's, Christmas, and office parties were the top three venues for finding yuletide cheer. And it's sort of curious that 42 percent of men and 27 percent of women ages 18-34 claim to have gotten it on at an office party – or shortly thereafter. Why are so few ladies feeling festive? The only explanation is that some serious stapler on stapler action is afoot.
74 percent reported that their own apartment after the party was the best spot to consummate the birth of Christ. Next was the conference room at 18 percent, the mail room (is that a real thing, still?) at 16 percent, while 10 percent Xeroxed the experience, and a brave 10 percent did it on the boss's desk. And even 6 percent of the misguided people wearing those ridiculously ugly Christmas sweaters with 3-D jingle bells attached reported getting lucky the weeks of Dec 9-30th.
Of course, since this survey was funded by Trojan, we need to talk about how many people wrap their gifts. A slightly terrifying 46 percent of respondents admitted they had not used a condom during their holiday workplace encounters. Making it perhaps just as easy to spread good cheer as a venereal disease. Hold out til next September for reports on infants non-immaculately conceived on office party open bars.
Image via AMC.