'Missy' Becomes The First Sex Doll To Be Launched into Space

In space, no one can hear you scream – from pleasure.

 

BY KATE HAKALA

As we know well from many song lyrics, it's lonely being a space man. That's probably why the freaky geniuses over at CNV.com in Nevada decided to launch a sex doll into space with a 4.5-pound balloon filled with 300 cubic feet of hydrogen.  The inflatable doll, lovingly named Missy, achieved an ascent rate of 1,400 feet per minute over Lake Tahoe, and finally climbed to over 100,000 feet above earth. Why was this done? This is the 21st century, we don't ask why.
Now, I regret to inform you that Missy is no longer of this Earth. At the height of 102,000 feet, she popped and began to rapidly fall until she was ripped apart, not by a well hung gentleman, but the force of reentering the atmosphere. Missy, a doll who was quite literally up for anything, withstood temperatures of -70 degrees Fahrenheit, cosmic ray radiation, and high-energy particles from other solar systems. Which means, given higher modifications, future Missys could possibly withstand grunting astronauts climbing on top of her as they relieve their lust amongst the stars.
If you can't bear to be outside her radiant orbit, replicas of Missy are being sold online. Though, it should be noted that Missy's interstellar halter top and denim mini skirt are not included. The ad copy reads like it was written by space camp attendees hopped up on Dippin' Dots and Tang: "With three sensual orifices, she will suck you in like a black hole and leave you starry eyed and adrift amidst a cosmic stream of ecstasy. Missy is tough and sturdy and loves a little rough sex as long as you treat her with respect. Travel with her to new planes of sexual pleasure." Amen.
Watch the late Missy's star-crossed journey below.